The Bergle Meets The Hammer

Ok,

So I'm at work yesterday minding my own business and getting ready for the busy weekend ahead. It was me, the Boss and The Cajun. The Boss is often running around trying to keep things in line, and The Cajun and I handle different departments but spend a fair amount of time hanging out during the day. One of our part-timers had come by to say hey and hang out and they were doing just that while I was rapping with a couple of customers who were in my 'house' so to speak.

The door opens and out of the corner of my eye I catch a look and say to myself "Gee, self, that guy looks an awful lot like--Wait--it IS Tom Delay!" Now it's a good day at work. I look over as Delay walks through the aisles and the Boss turns to me mouthing "THAT'S TOM DELAY". She's shocked. She never worked at the place in McLean where I grew up running into all kinds of folks. Anyway, we all look at each other as if to silently decide who's going over there. I bow out early, fearing the loss of my job after getting into a shouting match with a former majority leader. The Cajun--I don't think he can really be bothered. Nothing political there. The Boss seemed to want to handle it, so she got to help him out. He wasn't in long, but a couple of thing struck me while he was with us:

1--The smile. You know the one. The one from the mugshot? Hold on, hold on, here you go:


Yeah, that smile. He has that all the time. It's scary. It's like he walks around all the time thinking about how happy he is to be Tom Delay. I hate that. It's such a conservative thing, too. I see others doing it (as I said, I'm from McLean) and they do it as if they're thinking "I'm so happy god gave me this beautiful world and this white skin and all this money because he loves me soooooooo much". Ugh. Makes me sick.

Sorry, I went away for a second there. Where was I?....Oh, yeah:

2--He's short. My god, that shocked me. He can't be more than 5'7", right? All you Hill staffers out there help me out on this one. He's like Keifer Sutherland short. He's The Ball-Peen Hammer, maybe an Everyday Hammer at most, but THE HAMMER? Hardly. Unless Hastert used to actually pick him up and swing him like a hammer. You never know.

3--Slight bald spot in the back. I'm willing to accept the hair color though. There's enough gray in there that the rest seems appropriate. The spot ain't that bad, really. I mean, the man appears to be keeping himself in good shape. And at least he has his hair. I mean, how many men his age lose it all? He's got a little trouble spot but overall the hair was ready for TV and you have to respect that. That and now having all the time in the world to hit the gym since you got run out of your job for being a corrupt petty little megalomaniac. I'm just saying.

That's my story kids. Gotta go get ready for work. Have good weekends and remember to think of your friends who work retail, because for us there is no weekend. Late.