Showing posts with label Movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Movies. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Bergle At the Movies: 29 Palms

G'Day,

So, I was up last night (as always) and I see that Sundance is running 29 Palms. For whatever reason, I remember wanting to see it once upon a time, so I say 'fuck it' and decide I'll stay up a little later than I was planning on. Big mistake....


29 Palms (2003)
Directed by Bruno Dumont
Starring: David Wissak, Katia Golubeva

First and foremost, this is an art film. I say this not to scream from the rafters "Hey everyone, I watch art films!" but to set the context of what I'm about to describe. According to some, 29 Palms is an intense, if empty exploration of life and 'love' in the post 9/11 era. David (David Wissak) is a filmmaker or photographer (we never really find out) who goes to the town of 29 Palms with his Russian girlfriend Katia (Katia Golubeva), who appears to be emotionally unstable and whose French is as incomprehensible as David's is just plain bad.

The movie begins on the highways outside L.A.; David driving his bright, sparkling red H2 while Katia lies in the backseat. David stares intently at maps and takes a cell phone call during this sequence before pulling off the highway to gas up the 'truck'. They continue on, arrive at their hotel, fuck in the pool (violently, I might add; I wasn't sure for a moment if this was a rape scene or not--a thought I would come to regret...) and go to a local chinese restaurant where they split an appetizer and main course, pissing off the owner/waitress.

This was the first 30 minutes of the movie.

To say Dumont's style here is 'paced' is to be very, very kind. Like Mother Theresa kind. The only scene out of the beginning that is redeeming at all, in fact the only scene in the entire movie that rings true and is relateable in any way is between the gas station and the hotel. David, driving along, alternately staring off into the desert and not, is asked by Katia what he is thinking in that way that only girlfriends do. David of course says he isn't thinking about anything (and in his defense I have to say, I was watching and he didn't appear to be thinking about anything during the movie at all) which leads to Katia asking again and again because as a woman she can't believe that and David of course ends up getting angry because she won't let it go. It is so uncomfortable and tense and real and dead on it's scary. Of course the next time we see them they're in the motel pool and he's shoving his cock into her. Nice.

The next 75 minutes is a thrill ride that take us from harsh, barely-above-animalistic sex (not a dealbreaker, mind you) to long walks through the Joshua Tree National Park where David is 'scouting a shoot' to their hotel room. Lather, rinse, repeat. The only moments of anything are David straining under he and Katia's communication problem while they have ice cream, leading to the line of the movie...

David: "You know something? I'd like to have some conversations that have some logic to them, because sometimes you say one thing and then you say another thing and it's completely dysfunctional!"

Right on, brother. I've been waiting for over an hour for something like that. Of course, Katia pauses and then says "J'taime". Like that means anyfuckingthing at this point. The only other moment comes soon after. Katia locks herself in the bathroom (for reasons we never learn--lot of that in this movie) and David, frustrated with living with this potentially bipolar girl throws her out and locks the door behind her. In the resulting scene we see Katia pacing back and forth in front of the motel, the whole time running and hiding every time a car drives by, and not in the normal 'I don't want anyone to see me' way. She seems delusional (schizophrenic?) and when David comes out to bring her back inside, it literally takes them physically fighting in the middle of the street to bring her back to anything resembling a rational human being, and that's still a far way off for her.

That brings us to the conclusion of 29 Palms. The whole movie seems to be a poem about alienation in the modern world, but there's a slow build happening that speeds up dramatically with about 15 minutes left in the film. SPOILER ALERT, EVEN THOUGH IF YOU WANT TO PUT YOURSELF THROUGH THIS MOVIE IN THE FIRST PLACE YOU PROBABLY ALREADY KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT: On yet another trek through the park, a large pickup truck rams the H2, pushing it to a stop. Three men hop out, dragging David and Katia out, throwing him to the ground and stripping her naked. As one man holds Katia around her neck another beats David with a bat, and the third guy sodomizes him while Katia is forced to watch. The scene ends as Katia, naked and beaten, crawls toward a severely injured and sobbing David over the course of minutes. Back at the motel, Katia insists they call the police to which David says no. Katia goes to pick up food, and when she comes back David bursts from the bathroom with a crudely shaved head and a knife, pins Katia down and stabs her to death in a brutal (and brutally depicted) manner. The movie ends with a police officer finding David dead in the desert mere feet from the ubiquitous H2.

Last night when the movie ended I was in a rage. I'd sat through two hours of the most vapid, boring, go-nowhere cinema I'd ever seen and my reward was the leading man getting fucked in the ass and going on to commit a horrible murder. That's the word actually: horror. This was the most horrible movie I've ever seen in my life. Not necessarily horrible as in bad, but horrible as in 'that's a horrible thing to have happened'. I crawled into bed after taking a moment to take everything in, and told the Gergle that "I just watched the worst movie ever made". I was angry, hurt, a little sick to my stomach even. I felt cheated, insulted, even a little violated (then again, in the face of what happened to poor David, I kept some perspective there). I wanted to write a review right then and there and go nuclear on the whole thing, this whole fucking worthless movie and director and his whole little hijack plan and his minimalist sensibilities. But it was already late and I thought it might do me some good to take the night to 'come down' from the experience. So here goes:

Dumont is a man whose philosophies come down to ideas like "We can fuck and fuck but never merge" and "Sex is death". His two previous movies to 29 Palms were set in remote parts of France, and from what I've heard are much better in terms of character, plot and...well, I guess everything. 29 Palms was Dumont's first time filming in America, and in many ways it shows. The man seems to have such hate for this country, or at least what he perceives this country to be. His character of choice (David) is a disheveled hipster dick who drives a huge gas-guzzling SUV through L.A. and then takes it out to the desert (presumably for the first time) and off-roading (poorly) in this vehicle that in reality only gives the illusion of off-road performance and is simply a Suburban with a different body welded to it. His French is worse than Katia's English (that's saying something) and he seems to have no sense of love outside of throwing himself into whichever of Katia's holes is most convenient and howling like an ape while doing so. I've read some takes on the movie that state that Dumont's point here is an examination of society after 9/11, and what happens after such a devastating event. This is understandable and somewhat provocative, but falls flat in the face of Dumont's complete lack of experience and understanding when it comes to America itself. In fact, his portrayal of Americans and American life serve only to land him directly in his own unfortunate stereotype: the condescending, head-up-his-own-ass, more ennui-than-thou Arty French Guy. Which is sad, since Dumont is obviously an intelligent man with something to say, all of which is wasted with his juvenile obsession with turn-on-a-dime sex and violence.

Looking at it now, however, 29 Palms has a thing or two that work in its favor. The first is the great "What are you thinking?" scene, although anyone who has ever been in a relationship could make that scene happen. The real thing that is great about the movie, and what should be the star, is the desert itself. The cinematography is out of this world beautiful. Dumont's style of directing leads to long shots with the camera not moving at all. There are many such shots in the movie with the H2 approaching from the horizon, or David and Katia walking away through the park. One scene with David and Katia on a rocky cliff is particularly beautiful. Unfortunately it all gets drowned out by the madness happening throughout.

Dumont's real vision with 29 Palms seems to be that of a deconstructed horror film, stripping away everything that isn't essential and leaving behind only characters, tension, dread and horror itself. It is an interesting idea but in this case seems to be too high a climb for the view. It struck me last night almost as if I'd ordered a deconstructed omelette only to realize too late that I was getting two scrambled eggs, a slice of cheese, a slice of bacon and being charged $30 for the privilege of the experience.

I've now come down from the initial shock of 29 Palms and have decided that it's not the worst movie I've ever seen, and the cinematography alone keeps it far from being the worst movie ever made. The concept and structure are interesting ideas, and the visceral experiences affect you as they are intended. Any movie that can bring out the range of emotions that this did must have hit its mark on some level. But I think that might be the problem: for all of Dumont's reasoning, for all of his effort to make his directing 'transparent' in the end it doesn't mean much of anything. The star of 29 Palms is the experience itself. The empty, meaningless experience. It is only a movie in the strictest sense, with flaws as basic as having poor characters with no history, reference, hopes or personalities to care about. There is no story to speak of. It is almost painful to watch even before the terrible events of the last 15 minutes.

As an experiment 29 Palms finds its only chance at redemption. In fact, the only way it can really be viewed is as an experiment in filmmaking. The minimalist, deconstructionist style on display here does not allow for real character development or plot movement. It does not allow for any of the things you expect from every other horror film you've ever seen. It only allows for the banality of life between two not particularly likeable people before something terrible happens to them for no goddamn reason at all. Dumont needs to stop justifying 29 Palms as a study of America post-9/11. If he wants to study that event and its effects, he can watch the fucking news footage from that day and then go fuck himself. We (I mean us in DC, NY and PA) saw it first-hand and don't need anyone reminding us of those feelings. We were there Bruno, thanks anyway. Dumont also needs to keeps his views of 29 Palms as a study of human aggression and natural inclination toward violence to rich-people artiste-chic party discussions. A view of humanity so coldly, horribly cynical with no room for compassion or caring only serves to take away from the pure experiment in horror that his movie is.

I guess that's the point. 29 Palms is as bad a movie as it is a good experiment in boiling down a genre of film and presenting its vital elements in all their pulsating, bloody glory. I abhor Dumont's justifications and explanations for making this 'story', for there is no story. But I readily admit that I can think of no one else who could direct such a movie without succumbing to the temptation to make a character sympathetic, to punch up a scene, to make David and Katia have a truly heartfelt conversation over dinner. His desire to make himself transparent as a director allowed him to make a film of pure horror without even an ounce of any unnecessary element.

I cannot in any way recommend that anybody see this movie. Then again, I can't really stop you can I? If you do decide to watch it, give yourself time to recover--you will need it. Try not to watch it as you would any other movie, because it is not. If you have two hours to waste on 29 Palms, you will probably either hate it with a passion, find some meaning in it, or come to accept it as I have as a very well shot piece of experimental film. For the rest of us I recommend Hitchcock's Rear Window with Jimmy Stewart and the beautiful Grace Kelly, which is everything a horror movie should be.

Coming tomorrow--My expose on the Esurance girl. Be there!

Thursday, March 1, 2007

Oscars!!!...No, not really.

Hey,

Was going to do the Oscar recap this year but:

1. I just woke up from falling asleep during the show.
2. Didn't have enough alcohol to get into the right mindset for note-taking, etc.

Really, that show just sucked. So long, so boring, so what. I've got batter fish to fry. I'm job hunting, trying to get back into the habit of working out again, looking for musicians to start a group with and yesterday my truck gets rejected for inspection. So here I am with a loaner Ford Fusion (not a bad car by the way, not awesome but a step up for the boring everyday car) waiting for the call to come get my truck and typing to kill time.

Drives well, but I want to fall asleep looking at it....


Do you ever catch yourself daydreaming? I do. Often. I think that's how I spent most of high school, actually. These days, though, I find myself lost in thoughts like "What do I want my next car to be?" or the big one lately "What (insert item of guitar gear) do I need?". Then you have the two halves of your brain yelling at each other like the girls on America's Next Top Model (yes, the Gergle is making me watch this drivel again, but the good news is we already have nude pics of one of them--and it's one of the ones I like!) with the one side dreaming and the other horribly grounded in reality. I have family, and they're wonderful, but it seems like no one wants to even pretend to help out. My mom offers to pay for school (or a personal trainer since I'm working out again) but if I ask for help getting a new guitar (which I kinda do need) or related stuff it just hits a wall.

Now, my mom is amazing and has always been there for me and I know she always will be there. It just strikes me how anyone with ambitions 'outside' of what people normally do get put through the ringer. I mean, I'm looking for a job. This job, whatever it is, will take a ton of time away from me that I could be spending playing, getting better, and getting recognized. But if I got that job, I'd get that help that I actually need now. I'm really trying to keep this out of ranty, whiny territory, but it just seems like if you don't want to be an accountant or work for some government contractor or something you have to become that in spite of those around you. Even in spite of those who love you and say they'll always be there for you.

I don't know, just some stuff I've been thinking about.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Peering Up From the Handbasket

Hey there,
I was all ready to go fire and brimstone today watching the coverage of the Anna Nicole/Britney madness. Hours of newstime used up by pics of a bald nutjob and a clusterfuck hearing that supposedly was to determine custody of another nutjob's body? I was thinking about the Post's Walter Reed story this weekend, about all the injured and those who are being injured and killed every moment while we try to turn our heads and look at the shiny things...

...but then something hit me.

The name of the judge at the Anna Nicole hearing rung a bell...I thought maybe he was Judge Judy's husband. For reals. Alas, it turned out not to be the case, just a coincidence where their names are similar. BUT, it also turns out that he wants his own TV show!!!

I'm going to say something here that I'm not proud of and I wish I wasn't able to say: This guy is gold. I was sucked into the proceedings and could not look away despite myself, and he had a lot to do with that. God help me, I want this war to end, I want all of our brothers and sisters to come home and I want the idiot appointed president gone tomorrow but for a good hour or so this afternoon I had me a fine distraction, and his name was Judge Larry Seidlin.

The dude was all over the place, from crushing the attorneys (calling one whom I assume was representing Anna's mom 'Texas' as if he didn't have a name) to telling them what questions to ask to ASKING THE QUESTIONS HIMSELF!!! Unbelievable!! Standouts for me were Judge Seidlin questioning Howard K. Stern presumably to show all these lawyers how its done, and the Moment of the Day: Taking a call while on the bench from the M.E., letting it out over the air and letting it go on for a good minute and a half before asking "Doc, should we take this off the air?"!!

Fantastic stuff, an immediate first-ballot entry for the Jagoff Hall of Fame. Oh my god, I'm just thinking about it and its still stunning. I think this guy topped everything that ever happened on L.A. Law, Perry Mason and The Practice in one afternoon--and I'm pretty sure there was a Practice episode where Cameron Mannheim ate a dude during cross-examination. The only courtroom film I can think of that still holds up is Witness for the Prosecution, and that merely squeaks by due to Marlene Dietrich's performance as The Accent That Walked Like a Woman.

I'm not sure where I was supposed to be going with all this, but I think it was this:

With the world as it is today, with all of the dangers and threats and stupidity (plus the stuff that happens outside the White House), where everything is serious (especially what you laugh at) and none of us have any future unless we have the right name or fuck the right person(s), where the possibility of waking up to major landmarks burning is too real and too probable, it's ok to find comfort and release in something stupid for a little while. So watch the hearing solely to gauge Howard K. Stern's creep factor. Photoshop Britney with different wigs (or a Smurf cap, I'm still waiting to see that), read some gossip. Just don't do it for long. We used to do it all the time, remember? Look what happened.

Friday, March 10, 2006

My 78th Annual Academy Awards Review, or: Oscar? I Hardly Even Knew Her!!!

Ok, late? Yes, but I feel like sometimes we need time to absorb and reflect before bloviating.


That and I took notes, and they aren't going to write themselves, so I'm gonna write most of this the way I was thinking at the time and mix in other stuff along. Anything in quotes in parantheses is directly from the notes...


First--R.I.P. Ali Farka Toure, Dana Reeve, Kirby Puckett. What's with the Death right now? Do they know something we don't?


From Hollywood, Producers of 'Three Days of the Condor' as well as 'The Stoopids' (sigh). Jon Stewart hosts.


I feel wary about this going in. He's smart, he's observant, if you ask my girlfriend he's hot--but he has less pull in that room than OJ, and that could be trouble. Unless the host is kissing their ass (see Crystal, Billy) or are just too 'powerful' to ignore (see Carson, Johnny), the Oscar crowd is just brutal (Chapters Rock and Letterman). Maybe there's hope...


...and hope is good for about 30 seconds after a funny opening movie that got laughs 'cause it had people that the crowd wanted to laugh at. Oh boy. I guess if there was a dance number or something he would've gone over, huh? Fuck you Hollywood. Fuck your dance and music numbers.


-Supporting Actor: Nicole Kidman comes out to present and talks about, um, well, ("blah blah blah gorgeous"). Really, wow. And it goes to Clooney! Clooney Buddy! Little Known Fact: There was a second envelope that contained a list of five women for him to bang later. Apparently he did them all so, you know, everyone wins. He makes a nice little speech about why all of these movie people are good for the world and my Man Crush on him is officially back on ("Too funny too handsome too charming love him hate him he's great"). Good to have you back Cooper. Was that his name on 'Rosanne'? Matt Dillon should have had it.


-I don't know who Bill Hurt was with, but WOW. Just, WOW.


-Something I have to get out of the way right now: I HATE the music during the speeches bit. HATE. Even the second in charge guy who gets one for Best Makeup did something right, the show always runs long so fuck it let them talk.


-Apparently Jack does the seating chart for the show, 'cause he's next to Kiera Knightly for no reason other than he's Jack and I'm not. Nice work, my liege.


-It's not that the crowd doesn't get Jon, they just don't want to. I haven't seen a Collective Dick Move like that since Bush couldn't find the door in China and everyone stood there taking pictures. Except that was funny.


-Ben Stiller doing the green screen bit is less funny now, but at least it was something.


-Narnia wins some tech award, but I can't even hear the word Narnia without hearing that 'Lazy Sunday' bit from SNL in my head.


-Attention people of Earth: RESSE WITHERSPOON IS NOT HOT


-A big rock on for Wallace and Grommit winning the Animation award. In other news, the in-speech music is driving me to drink. More than I was already.


-I dont care how far Naomi Watts's nipples stick out, I think she's beautiful. And yes, I will be judging every actress I see tonight on how they look without shame--If I'm giving you $10 to entertain me for an hour and a half and oral sex isn't involved, you're goddamn right you better look fucking good.


-Our first nominated song of the evening is Dolly Parton. Singing alone on stage to track. Now, this is a significant moment: There was a time when it was ALWAYS done like this. In the early days of televison it was impossible to mic mix and send out a live band to broadcast and have it sound good. Even now in a fast paced live show like award shows its difficult. But the era of the singer out on stage alone is past, and now it just looks awkward and old-timey, and it's not like it takes 20 minutes to get a couple guys with a banjo and a guitar on stage and off. So fuck you again, Hollywood. Dolly deserves better.


-They have the token Kiddy Bit with the CG Chicken Little. I hate the fucking Kiddy Bit. Kids don't care. It's true: I watched the Oscars the year Batman came out and was so outraged that it wasn't nominated for EVERYTHING that I didn't watch for a long time. True story.


-Jennifer Aniston. Girls, she's NOT a star. She's NOT hot. She was on the right show with the right hairdresser at the right time. You fuckin' go, Brad. You did the right thing.


-Will Farrell and Steve Carell come out and actually make me laugh. Thank you, gentlemen.


-Camera pans to Kidman and...Keith Urban? Man, I forgot about that. ("Keith Urban? Really?")


-Rachel McAdams comes out and breaks my heart ("Blonde...bad lighting...too skinny...dreams ruined..."). Bad look.


-Best Supporting Actress: Rachel Weisz. Love her, always have. She's a hot pregnant chick, isn't she? Really, just glowing ("BOOBIES!").


-For a guy who isn't really a breast man (I'm about the ass, and was LOOOONNNGG before J-Lo or any of that shit) I'm a little all about the boobs watching this. I guess I'm working with what I'm being given.


-A commercial for Tab Energy Drink? THIS is what the world was waiting for? I can't find ONE goddamn bottle of Cherry Smash anywhere in this world and there's a fucking TAB energy drink? Fuck that.


-Lauren Bacall's prompter goes screwy, causing me to briefly wonder if we were watching her stroke out on live TV.


-Is Charlize Theron a goddess? It's possible. I don't even notice the goofy dress enough for it to bother me; she's THAT beautiful. But just when I think I'm out...


-...Salma fucking Hayek pulls me back in. Wow. She still rules whatever land I walk. Strong showing.


-Jen Garner has been visited by the boobie fairy and is climbing my List rapidly.


-Memoriam: Pat Morita, Chris Penn, Sandra Dee, Brock Peters, Shelly Winters, Anne Bancroft and Richard Pryor all get drinks from me. The notes thankfully start to taper off at this point.


-So I just mentioned the List. Within the List there is a subsection. The Pantheon, if you will. I'm giving myself some time to think it over, but I'm considering adding Ziyi Zhang to the Pantheon. Unbelievable.


-Three Six Mafia steals the show with their speech. I never found it to be so hard out here. Maybe it's just easier here for a pimp. The cost of living's hard out here for a pimp, I'll tell you that for goddamn sure.


-Hilary Swank comes out in an awful dress but I forgive her, she meant well.
Best Actor: Philip Seymour Hoffman, whom I've loved ever since The Big Lebowski.


-Best Actress: WILL SOMEONE SHUT REESE WITHERSPOON THE FUCK UP. Anyone who does this for me shall receive....ginger snaps. They're pleasant and go well with afternoon coffee.


-They do. Shut up.


-Best Picture: Crash! Wow, the best picture won Best Picture. Huh. I guess all's well that ends well.



All in all, not a bad....well, yeah bad show. Boring, packaged, tight-assed and no Jennifer Connelly makes this year's Oscars blasphemy on many levels. Unless they get Chappelle to host next year and he turns it into the Academy Awards and Roast and Cultural History Extravaganza, the Oscars will be in 5 years what it tries so hard not to be: Just another award show.

Late,
Berg